A Mother Reminisces

With Mothers’ Day approaching, I’m thinking about motherhood. Specifically, my own experience. Please forgive my indulgence today as I expound upon my joys being mother.

For years, I said that each phase of my children’s development was my favorite. I loved being pregnant and the thrill of giving birth. Full disclosure here – my longest labor was four hours from first pain to delivery, so I realize others may feel differently about childbirth. I loved cuddling and nursing my babies. Our house was full of tiny clothes and blankets and lots of new equipment.

Who doesn’t love toddlers? Children are so fun once they start crawling. Chubby hands pulling themselves up to stand wherever the opportunity arises. My daughter didn’t walk until she was fifteen months old because whenever she wanted something, she would point and squawk and her handservant (three year old brother) would fetch the object of her desire.

648I enjoyed dressing my little ones. It took major effort to find outfits I liked for my son for dress occasions. Dressing a little girl was easy and a joy. I think it’s the grown up version of playing with Barbies. My mother always put ribbons in my hair, so I did the same thing with my daughter. I taught myself to french-braid because I liked the look of it on her.

School programs, sports, music recitals and concerts, scouts, Sunday school, I miss them all. It’s true, life was hectic with younger children. I was a working mother and I still remember how I dreaded this time of year. I would cobble together summer plans to include scout camp, sports camps, and Vacation Bible School. Many of the dates weren’t released until mid-May and I worried each year until I had it worked out.

In high school, we had more sports, lots of sports. I learned to keep a magazine in my car, because football practice was never over when the coach promised it would be. Watching spring softballs games is still the coldest I have ever been in my life. Sunday school gave way to youth group and confirmation. Then there was teaching my babies to drive. I taught my son and my husband taught my daughter. I can’t tell you why; it was just the right way for us.  And high school formals, the thrill and drama of high school dances.

When it was time for college, I spent a lot of time working with each of them to find the right program. There were trips to Target and Marshalls to buy all the supplies they would need: sheets, school supplies and sundries to prepare them for living in another place, away from me. The first time we dropped my son off at school, I thought I was prepared. I wasn’t. My daughter held me as I sobbed. It was the same way a few years later when we left my daughter at her dorm.

Up until recently, each phase was my favorite, but having adult children was perhaps my most favorite. I would have thought I’d miss being needed, but instead, I reveled in watching my children become independent and self-sufficient.

But now, it’s different. My kids are far away. I miss them and sometimes I long for simpler (albeit hectic) times.

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College Years

Chi OmegaI just received news in the mail that I have a new occasion to celebrate. It turns out it’s been forty years since I was initiated into a sorority freshman year in college. To be more specific, Chi Omega is actually a fraternity and not a sorority. At the time it was founded, sororities were more like little sister groups. Chi Omega was founded as a free-standing organization for women and designed as a fraternity, modeled after the fraternities for men.

Last year, I searched for an alumni group in my area. Doing so must have put me on the map as far as Chi Omega was concerned. Before that, I was considered to be “lost.”

When I checked, there was only one alumni group to consider and it wasn’t really nearby. Recently, I’ve heard rumblings of a new group forming in my area. I’ll probably check it out when it forms, but I’m uncertain what I’ll be looking for.

Sadly, I have no friends who date back to my college years. Perhaps it’s because I wasn’t there very long. After a year and a half, tuition and expenses proved too great for my family and I dropped out to work full time.

It would be many years before I returned and when I did, my goals were different. Even though I had succeeded in the professional world without it, I still wanted the satisfaction of a college degree. Fortunately, I found a program that afforded me a great opportunity to study what I wanted, accepted my earlier college credit, and provided the flexibility I needed to study and work full time. By then, my children were in high school and college, so they weren’t as labor intensive as they had been.

Graduating was a gratifying experience. I was fortunate to be able to share it with my children. I’d like to think I was a good example for them of pursuing a goal, even when there was no tangible benefit in doing so.

Nonetheless, I regret not finishing college the first time around. Maybe reconnecting with my sorority (fraternity) would be my way of bridging that gap. Maybe not.

 

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Photo credit: Rhonda Kalkwarf

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The Pastor’s Wife

In 2008 when I was finishing a degree in adult development, I needed a capstone project in order to graduate. As I considered my options, I thought about a woman I know. Since she always wanted to document her story, I suggested we work on it together.

Over a period of a few weeks, we met regularly. I interviewed her and recorded the conversations. I tape recorded each of our meetings and then I was able to craft my project using her words.

constructionShe was the wife of a pastor. Her husband was considered a mission pastor. His strength was building new churches or growing existing ones. His greatest asset was his wife. She worked diligently by his side, doing whatever they were called to do. They moved often, eventually serving in six different churches, all in different communities.

She was just twenty years old when she hosted overnight guests of the church the day after they returned from their honeymoon. When they had no organist, she taught herself to play the organ. When the new church needed a women’s group, she started one. When the altar rail needed to be stained, she was there. A gifted pianist, she successfully developed new students each time they moved. Eventually, she was chosen for a national position within the women’s organization of the church and a regional position within the church itself.

What started as an academic project turned into a labor of love. She enjoyed reviewing the highs and the lows of her life. She even developed a fresh appreciation for some of the events when she reviewed them in the context of her life overall. Throughout her life, her husband had always been the focus of attention. After sharing her story, she knew more than ever that her life was significant, that she had made a difference.

Her family is grateful we did the project when we did. The woman is now a lovely 92 years old. She still gets around. She remarried a few years after her husband died and she lives with her second husband in a retirement community, surrounded by friends. Unfortunately, her memory is failing. Many of the stories she shared, she wouldn’t remember today. Names and dates would elude her. We got lucky.

 

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World’s Columbian Exposition

Ever since I read Erik Larson’s book, The Devil in the White City, I’ve been fascinated by the Chicago World’s Fair in 1893, the World’s Columbian Exposition. The book is the story of the fair interleaved with a murder mystery – a great read! Especially for a Chicagoan like me.

Chicago Worlds FairWhen one of our major museums hosted an exhibit about the fair, I was eager to attend. A few years earlier, another had displayed a collection of photos of the fair from conception through to the demolition and I learned a lot. It didn’t take much for me to convince my husband to join me one winter afternoon when we were bored and searching for amusement.

The exhibit contained materials from the fair. There were tools and other implements and samples of everyday and ceremonial dress from countries that would have been truly foreign in an era that pre-dated mass communication. There were science exhibits such as stuffed animals (not the cuddly kind) and what would have been technological marvels of the time. They had sample tickets and souvenirs from the fair.

What was missing was stories. The things were interesting, but I wanted to know more about the stories behind the fair and what it meant in the context of its day. They said how many people attended but there weren’t any stories about who attended and what it meant to them. Many of the people travelled long distances to attend the fair, a marvel in its time, and I would like to have learned about some of them.

The Columbian Exposition was an amazing accomplishment and triumph for the city of Chicago, a city that had largely burned to the ground only twenty two years earlier. As a lifelong Chicagoan, I wish the exhibit had reflected more of that. The things were interesting, but telling some of the stories would have brought them to life.

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Photo credit: Photo taken in 1893 by an unidentified photographer. Chicago World’s Columbian Exposition, Smithsonian Institution collection.  www.flickr.com/commons

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Follow the Journey

Last summer, I happened upon information about a story I believe bears telling. Ten years ago, I discovered the father I never knew was lost at sea in 1977. Over the last few months, I’ve learned a lot about the man and his life. What no one knows is what actually happened when he disappeared.

old documentsAn abundance of information has come to me from several sources. It was serendipity, really. I still don’t know what happened to my father. What I do know is the information I have makes a strong basis for a good story.

So many people have been intrigued by my experience that I’ve decided to share my journey turning the information I have into a novel. By profession, I write non-fiction. I’m a personal historian. I’ve never written fiction. With my novel, I’ll be making up much of the story as I go.

In my new blog at rhondakalkwarf.com, I’ll share the ups and downs, successes and failures as they happen. When we’re done, you’ll be able to read the finished product, knowing the backstory of how it came to be. Likely, I will turn to readers for opinions or advice as I go.

This, then, is my invitation to you: follow the journey!

Visit rhondakalkwarf.com for more information.

 

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My Ruse

My husband and I met in high school. Our circles overlapped, but we weren’t close friends and we never dated. He would tell you he wasn’t ready for me, yet. I’m not sure what that means, but I’ve decided to take it as a compliment.

Home from college one summer, I ran into him at his job and he asked me out. I was flattered, but involved with someone else at the time.

The next summer, I saw him again. I was working as a lifeguard at a nearby pool and invited him to come by for a swim. Again, I was dating someone else, but I thought we could be friends. A few nights later he stopped by my house when my boyfriend visiting. It was a nice evening, but a bit awkward.

Finally, I figured it out. I wanted to see him. I knew I couldn’t count on just running in to him again, but it was an era when women did not ask men out. I had to come up with a plan.

Back in high school, my girlfriend dated one of his good friends. Senior year, she borrowed my typewriter so her boyfriend could type his term paper. (Typewriters were what we used to type papers before computers.) They broke up and I never got my typewriter back.

I decided to ask the target of my interest if he might be able to retrieve my typewriter for me. I’ll admit it was lame, but I thought it was good enough to suffice. I knew he was interested. He’d asked me out twice already. The only real obstacles were my reluctance to ask him out and the possibility that he was dating someone else.

Typewriter

I found his number in the telephone book, but it took me a few days to work up the courage to make the call. (Telephone books were what we used to find phone numbers before the internet and cell phones.) He took the bait and we set up a time to get together. I’m sure he saw through my ruse and it was almost a year before I actually got my typewriter back. That was probably his part of the plan.

The rest is history. Eventually, I talked him into marrying me. Oh, wait! That’s another blog for another day.

 

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2015 Reading Challenge

8534737_sIt makes me happy that my Kindle is filled with lots of books I plan to read. Most were chosen on a whim. Some were recommended by friends or colleagues, some were recommended by Amazon and some were free with my Amazon Prime subscription. Really, there’s no method or logic. Each time I finish a book, I leaf through my collection to decide which new book to try.

A friend shared this challenge on Facebook and I decided to pass it on here. See POPSUGAR for the complete story. Reading off this list sounds like fun to me, even though I may not check off all fifty categories by the end of 2015.

If you decide to join me, let me know how you do!

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New Traditions

For the last few weeks, I’ve been sharing some of the holiday traditions in our home. My family holds our traditions dear, perhaps stubbornly so. Goodness, I’m rejoicing this year they will allow me to substitute Brussel sprouts for the corn on our traditional Christmas dinner menu. I wanted to drop the mashed potatoes, but I think that might be pushing it!

Not all of our traditions were handed down from earlier generations. Many developed within our family over the years. I’m not sure how many times something new happens before it becomes a tradition.

One new Christmas tradition I would have enjoyed with my family if they were younger is that of The Elf on the Shelf based on a book by Carol Aebersold and Chanda Bell. Each year for the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas, an elf comes to visit the family. His or her purpose is to watch over the children and report back to Santa on who’s been naughty and who’s been nice. At night, the elf flies to the North Pole and then returns by morning.

I have a friend and colleague who has such an elf in residence this year. Michelle Beckman and her family named their elf Felix after her grandfather who died while her father was still a boy. Felix has a penchant for adventure as the family finds each morning.

One morning the family found Felix had rounded up a group for a friendly game of cards.

Felix1

 

He apparently has a sweet tooth.

Felix2

 

Recently, that nasty flu bug going around got the best of Felix.

Felix3

I’m sure the Beckman children will enjoy the adventures of Felix for years to come. When they are grown, they will have the special memories of his exploits and the love that went in to the making. They may decide to carry the tradition on with their own children. Often, when we create traditions, we do it in the here and now, not even realizing the memories we are creating.

 

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Photos courtesy of Michelle Beckman and her family. Used with permission.

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Christmas Celebrations with Family

Christmas tree 2Yesterday, we celebrated Christmas with my extended family. Over the years, the group has expanded and contracted. Like all families, we’ve had births and deaths, marriages and divorces, and moves. Last year, we were seventeen. This year, we were six.

Each year has its own flavor and its own special beauty. The crazy chaos of young children’s excitement is its own glory. But yesterday, I enjoyed the quiet which gave me the opportunity to converse with the adults my nephews have become. With our more intimate group, we could all share in one conversation. A whirlwind of excited children might have been more festive, but would certainly have made conversation difficult, and at times impossible.

That’s not to say I didn’t miss my grandmother who has passed away or the family members who were unable to be with us due to distance. I’m just glad those of us who were able to be together continue to share in the tradition that is our family.

 

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Christmas Traditions and Gratitude

Like many, my husband and I have embarked on a mission of Gratitude. Each day, we take time to acknowledge and appreciate those aspects of our lives for which we are grateful. We try to do this first thing in the morning and as we wrap up our evening.

Yesterday, after we put up our Christmas tree, we realized it is a monument to those things in our lives for which we are grateful. We’ve collected ornaments for the thirty five years we’ve been married. Our tree tells the story of the joys of our lives. We have family ornaments and ornaments that were gifts from loved ones. Over the years, we’ve collected them from the places we’ve journeyed. Our daughter brings us ornaments as a gift from her travels. The very first was from a trip with her high school softball team. Others have been from adventures with friends and studying abroad.

IMG_1315Often, I would convert gifts from my children into ornaments. This lovely glitter covered, clay heart was a Mother’s Day gift from a two year old. It was originally the charm on a necklace made of string. I think it makes a much nicer decoration for the tree than a fashion accessory.

When my son was five, he and his class made ornaments out of macaroni. Most of the children made stars and Christmas trees. My son made a tank, patently inconsistent with the holiday spirit!

For the first few years, I hung the macaroni tank out of a sense of obligation, but usually somewhere near the back. Eventually, the tank grew on me and came to be hung is a place of honor. It was a perfect expression of the five year old son who was quickly growing up.

The first year my son was in college, our Christmas tree fell in the middle of the night. We didn’t hear it fall, but found the mess the next morning. As we cleaned up, we marveled at how few ornaments we lost. There were some we could repair and only two that were beyond repair. Sadly, one was the macaroni tank I’d grown to love.

IMG_1306A few days later, my son called my husband looking for gift ideas for me. My husband told him of our tree mishap and suggested he might make a new tank for me. I cried when I opened it!

Now, the new tank has seen better days. A little piece has broken off the front and we handle it with care. It has lasted longer than the original, but I can see that its days are numbered. I’m not sure what the shelf life is for macaroni ornaments, but I think mine is nearing its demise. Each year, I fear I will find a pile of gold macaroni dust in the ornament box.

 

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Photos from the author’s personal collection.

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